
As Samhain approaches I find myself in serious reflection mode. Since this blog serves as my unofficial spiritual journal, this post may not be of interest to anyone besides myself, but it really helps me personally to write things down. So just a warning that this may end up being a really long and ponderous post of interest to absolutely no one except for me!
What is my personal path? What do I believe and what kind of pagan am I?
Anyone who’s read my previous blog posts can tell that I’ve been struggling a bit lately and have been going through a lot of changes. While I really wanted to be a Norse Pagan, for some reason I just cannot connect with any of the Norse Gods on a meaningful level. I think it’s time that I faced that fact, I have been trying for awhile and it’s just not there. When I do connect with one it tends to be short lived and only haphazard at best.
Meanwhile, The Hellenic gods have been hitting me up pretty hard. My relationship with Dionysus has been growing strongly and steadily and becoming quite meaningful to me, to the point that I’m pretty sure he is sticking around and going to be a major part of my life, perhaps even my patron. I’ve had some trying times in the past few weeks and I am surprised at just how fully present he has been for me. That along with the synchronicities that just keep coming (yesterday he was practically hitting me over the head with them including finding plastic bunches of grapes in my path, numerous references to and posters of Jim Morrison, and a bottle of ‘Dancing Bull’ wine that literally fell into my hands at the store and somehow ended up on my shrine to him). I am also considering divinations conducted both by myself and others on my behalf that have pretty much said the same thing, “Face it pal, you belong to me now”. My Dionysus shrine has literally “overgrown” my entire shrine area!
Also the other Olympians have been stopping by to say hi in droves; Hermes, Zeus, Athena, Apollon and more. Of course Hekate is always present, yet has quietly taken a step into the background. Theres not a one that I don’t feel some sort of connection with. Quite frankly I’m loving it and am feeling a level of spiritual fulfillment that I haven’t felt in some years, if ever. There is something so right about this. So at this time I think it’s pretty clear that Hellenic Polytheism is the path I am meant to walk.
I don’t think I have ever felt this level of connection to a group of deities before. Believe me, no one is more surprised than I am, but there ya go, and I am absolutely ecstatic and happy to have found my way to here (all thanks to Hekate who lead me here!). Of course that gives me the challenge of trying to fit Hellenic polytheism into my current practice.
I can’t go the pure recon route. I’ve tried Reconstruction religion, on two seperate occasions. It just does not fit me. In my time I’ve tried both Kemetic Orthodoxy, and Asatru in various forms going back over 10 years. While I respect the scholarship from both of those, and took away valuable lessons from them I just don’t jive with Recon religion. It feels too “forced” to me somehow. That is not to say that I don’t incorporate recon elements into my practice. If I can do something in a way that I know it was done in the past, I will do so. (I should also say that I don’t dislike recon religion inherantly and I recognize that it does jive with a whole lot of other people! I think that’s great. It’s just not for me personally).
I have a serious love/hate relationship with labels. I always want to have things neat and packaged, be able to point to something and say “yup that’s me”. Whenever I try though I end up breaking the constraints I’ve put on myself. The fact is that I am also a Druid of the Revival tradition and have no intention of giving that up. I love revival druidry. I love the fact that it does not try to claim to be an ancient heritage, but owns up to being a modern system that is still a workable and spiritually valid path for many people.
I use the term Hedge Druid to describe myself, somewhat tongue in cheek, because I like the image that it conjures up and it seems to fit. Being primarily solitary, I seem to fit the archetype of the lone Druid out in the wilds (in this case the suburban wilds, but still), doing his own thing and occasionally meeting with others of his kind to exchange ideas and for companionship before heading back to his abode to keep doing his own thing, perhaps modified and enriched by his experience with others, perhaps in turn enriching the practice of those others who have encountered him. I have been working on the AODA candidate year and the OBOD bardic course for on and off for about 3 years now (I’m actually almost ready to complete both).
I like the modern invention of the Wheel of the Year. Being in Wisconsin, with four seasons, I find that it is very relevant to the climate that I live in. While I was Kemetic Orthodox I could never quite get excited about festivals based on the rise and fall of the Nile, because it just didn’t affect me. The Wheel of the Year may be a modern invention, but it makes sense and ties me to the land and seasons in the climate in which I live with.
I also like the emphasis on a nature based spirituality. I like learning about the trees, animals, and local ecology of my geographic area. I like meditation and energy body work. I like being eco-minded and caring for the environment. In short, being a Revival Druid works for me and I enjoy it. I even have an Awen tattoo on my inner wrist to symbolize my commitment to the path which I had done the day of my initiation ceremony.
Yes a part of me would love to be a Druid and worship the Celtic gods and have it be all nice and neat, but it’s not to be. Interestingly enough I have absolutely no interest in Celtic gods, nor them I apparently. I guess I’m going to be a Druid who worships the Hellenic Gods. Some might call this Eclectic (then again there are those who would probably take issue with calling myself a Druid at all, or being a Druid who doesn’t worship Celtic Gods. I thumb my nose at them). I’m not sure I would disagree with the eclectic label, except that the word has connotations of “doing whatever you want”, being “fluffy”, “poor scholarship” and “Ohhh Shiny!”. However, this is not always the case. I firmly believe one can be eclectic and still be well read, pay attention to scholarship, and draw inspiration from multiple sources in a well thought out and respectful (read non-haphazard) manner.
I think this attitude is getting more prevalent. From reading others blogs and various forum posts I see many pagans who are forming a personal practice that does not fall under any one grand label. I think this is a good thing and a natural evolution in modern paganism.
So having accepted these two aspects of my ever-evolving spirituality, I now face the challenge of working them into a cohesive system that gives honor and respect to both traditions without falling into the trap of slighting either of them. I have my work cut out for me. I think I’m going to begin by making a personal festival calendar and take it from there.